Rest

Its hard to believe. I've finished my first year in my PhD conquest. The spring semester was the hardest school period since 7th grade. I was busy 24/7 and wasn't able to get things done. I was giving my all and had to do it to the bitter end.

My spiritual life has suffered this semester. I guess so was too busy to commune with God. There was no quiet time. I was on the go - all the time. I had too many excuses. I'm glad I had a community who supported me and walked with me physically and in prayer. I was never disconnected from God, I just had a whole lot of interference. My spiritual family was a signal boost during hard times. The podcasts (McManus, Batterson, Bell) saved me with spiritual food on the go. Prayer connected me to a
fountain of hope and rest.

Vanessa was an amazing support. She was caring and selfless to the extreme. I was a zombie of a husband and a non-existent friend in the last two weeks of class. Without her I would have lost it mentally.

My cohort and class mates were a different kind of support. They were in the boat with me. It would always help to get into the Doc Lab and talk about how bad things were and how unreasonable the assignments, professors, program of study, research, you get the idea, were. I loved to conspire a revolution with them, to some day bring down the system :). Well, I know I will look back and see that all the stress/pressure play a important role in becoming a Psychologist (I think).

After a week of rest I'm regaining my normal faculties. Things such as laughter, hope, balance, etc...

I'm back and don't want to repeat the same mistake. I know its possible to do better and be a human being during this program. I recognize I made some rookie mistakes, and did not prioritize well.

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm looking forward to my second year.

Non Stop

I underestimated the cost of writing a 20 qualitative research proposal, a 17 page take home exam, a 12 page literature review (still undone - half way there), a 5 page Extra credit essay, and a 3 page written analysis. On top of all that I still had to attend classes (4 total), and see about 8 clients and sit in at a 2 hour AOD group.

I would be lying if I said my educational resolve was unshaken. I had serious doubts and concerns. Yes! I thought about quitting. It is amazing to see how hard it is just to write these words. I am the kind of person who makes a decision and give it all towards that goal. I will go without eating (I just forget about it) if I have a assignment due. I am that driven, but I have to admit I'm human, I get tired.

This is exactly how I feel after a whole year in the Ph.D. = TIRED. This weekend I had to take it easy. If I didn't I know I would break. I have slowed down a bit and feel really renewed. I still worry that I might be miscalculating the amount of time it will take to finish my paper, but I have no choice I need new strength.